Sunday, August 2, 2009

I Wouldn't Even Lick These Off Macca

Andrea and I saw these last night at the store:


Aren't these so disgusting? Who would want green apple-flavored topping on their ice cream? I think I understand the root beer one...like a root beer float, right? I hate root beer, but I can see that. But Dr. Pepper, let alone cherry Dr. Pepper? Gross. I bet that tastes like Robitussin.

By the way, I took that picture with my new BlackBerry Tour. It has a pretty good camera, doesn't it? That's good news. If I can't sneak my digital camera next month into the stadium, I can at least take a few decent pictures with my phone.

I've returned to my old ways of not posting. Big surprise. I knew this was going to happen. It always does.

I've been so busy with summer school. Such a bad idea.

Whatever.

I'm seeing Paul next month, and he'll make it all better again.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Baseball, Anyone?

Anyone want to go to the Astros v. Mets game this Friday night in Houston? I've an extra ticket. It also comes with a drink and hot dog. And of course, Happy Hour will precede the game. Fireworks (and probably more alcohol) succeeds the game.

Just let me know.* Text, IM, e-mail, or call.



*If you decide you'd like to come, you must also not mind having to sit next to me. I'll be sporting a Mets jersey and matching cap.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Musical Orgasm


GUESS WHO'S COMING NEXT MONTH TO DALLAS, ON WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 19TH, AT COWBOYS STADIUM?!?!?!


I can't wait to see him. It's been way too long since I had an orgasm. Three and a half years! I'm already salivating at the mouth. Tickets go on sale to the general public on the 20th of this month. Pre-sale starts on the 13th. Who's going with me?!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

86 Ryan

I was nearly finished writing about Andrea's and my trip to NJ/NY/CT/MA, but then I decided to ditch it. We went on our trip about four weeks ago, so it's old news. Nothing really happened. The highlights of the entire trip were meeting Ben Lee and then getting yelled at by some random guy that we walked past on the streets of NYC during Memorial Day weekend, "Fuck, girl! You look like you're going to fucking kill someone! Shit. Why don't you fucking smile? It's fucking Saturday night. Fuck." That was awesome. Other than that though, nothing. I did all of the driving. Never drive in MA, specifically in Boston. It's the worst. People in MA are nuts. I'm never complaining about the shit drivers here in TX.

As of right now, nothing exciting is going on, as usual. Nothing wrong with that. My life doesn't require any kind of drama, unlike some people I know. I'm just in summer school right now. It sucks. I haven't taken a summer class since my freshman year of college. I'm only taking one class this first session: Genetics. Genetics in five weeks. It's borderline amazing. Then in the second session, I'll take two classes: Chemistry and Molecular/Cellular Bio. Yay.

Last week, Andrea won twenty tickets to see Chris Fairbanks. Who gives away twenty tickets? I don't know. We don't even know that many people here. That's a lie. Let me rephrase: we don't know that many people here who we'd want to hang out with for that long of a time. Besides, a lot of our friends aren't here because it's summer. Of course though, we invited Paul and Erin. I even invited my good friend, Lisa, from San Antonio. I even went out on a limb and invited Ryan, this gay guy that I met a few months ago at the movie theater Andrea and I frequent in Barton Creek Mall. We did have twenty tickets to waste. I didn't know him all that well and thought it'd be a good idea. Big mistake.

I guess you don't really know a person until you hang out with them. Like I said, I didn't really know Ryan all that well. I solely knew him from the theater. He gave me a compliment about my Tiffany necklace (he said it looked beautiful on me and that he's been saving money to buy one for himself to wear...yeah, I don't know), and that started our correspondence. Every time Andrea and I would see a movie after that, he'd be there working. I would stop and chat with him for a good while, and we eventually exchanged numbers to hang out anywhere else outside of the theater.

We had to pick him up at the mall, which is about 10 or so miles out of the way, because his car was in the shop. He said he wrecked it, and I assumed it was because of a DWI. He mentioned that he had to sign up for Driver's Ed. I didn't really think anything of it. We met Paul, Erin, and Lisa at Pappasito's for Happy Hour (for those who don't know, Pappasito's has a pretty good HH. At least, I think so. Their drinks are a little pricey for HH, but they're completely worth it. Super strong, especially their frozen drinks).

Ryan only two Margaritas at Pappasito's. No biggie. And he was really lively and sweet. He'd even turn to me every so often to say that he loved me, thank me for inviting him, or that he was having a wonderful time. While he talked to our friends about me or something, he'd have his hand on me. Kind of weird, considering I'm not a very touchy/feely type of person. And on occasion, he'd say something completely unnecessary (for example, he'd bluntly tell the entire table that he wanted to fuck some actor). Other than that though, no problem.

Can you pick which one's Ryan?



If you chose the guy in the red and white plaid Oxford shirt, not a bad guess, but no. That's Paul. People always mistake him for being gay. Ryan's actually the double-chinned wannabe girl in the blue polo.

Then we headed over to the comedy club. Ryan was a fucking nightmare. During the first opening comedian's act, Ryan would answer every single rhetorical question that the comedian would ask the audience. You know, those generic questions that are always generally asked that don't necessarily require an actual verbal response. Nope, Ryan answered loud enough for the entire room to look over at our table. "How's everyone doing tonight?," in which Ryan would reply, "Oh, I'm wonderful tonight. Thank you for asking!" I didn't really mind that. Hell, it was even funny at one point. The comedian thought Ryan was a woman and thanked "her" for being cooperative. I wasn't sure if the comedians thought Ryan sounded like a girl, or if he thought one of us girls was the one answering. But of course, it was only downhill from that.

He had about five rum and Cokes and a Long Island or two. He progressed from being cute, to annoying, to fucking outright disrespectful and embarrassing. He heckled the second opening comedian. A lot of people turned to look at us every time Ryan said anything, even if it wasn't directed to the stage. He'd repeatedly say my name across the table to get my attention just to say that he loved me. After a few more drinks, he would repeatedly ask me if I was mad at him. This got annoying, but I masked my frustration with a smile each time and told him no.

People working at the club asked him to keep it down. They came over to our table about five times. Then during Chris's set, in addendum to Ryan's loud remarks (I remember that he exclaimed that he was gay when Chris was setting up a joke about gay men), he busted out his cell phone and talked to a friend. The second opening comedian even ran over to him and politely told him he wasn't allowed to talk on his phone during an act. It was horrible.

When we got up to leave, I had to hold his arm to keep him from falling on his drunken face. He sat in the back of my car with Andrea next to him. Lisa and I were in the front, discussing about her job (she's a special ed teacher). She had an interview in a few days with Austin ISD, and she asked me for advice on what to say and how to answer some questions that other districts were asking of her on the applications. Evidently, while Lisa and I were talking about all of this, Ryan was in the back, crying the entire time. He had his window rolled down (it was pouring rain that night too, by the way) and was just crying. When Andrea asked him what the matter was, he said that he was upset that I was mad at him since I was ignoring him. What the?

We dropped him off at the mall and that was the last time we've seen each other. He texted me the next morning to say he had a great time and to ask if I was mad at him. I lied and said no. He said he was worried about me being mad and wanted to go out again. Over my fucking dead body.

I suppose that's what I get for not taking my red flag, Ryan telling me about wrecking his car and having to take Defensive Driving, more seriously.

That's going to be the last time I'll ever hang out with Ryan again. His personality was a little too strong for my liking. And more importantly, he was completely vacant. We had absolutely nothing in common, except for similar tastes in jewelry and boys. I need something more than that. I have a very low tolerance for stupidity. Not that he's stupid, but there was just nothing there with him. I can't imagine ever having a conversation with him about the economy, let alone sports. When I mentioned how hard my Genetics class was, he complained about his acting class at a community college. And oh, he has a "degree" in wedding planning. The hell?

And the fact that he acted so immaturely the first time we went out just really turned me off. Why would you act like that in front of someone who you don't really know that well? You'd think Ryan would be on his best behavior, maybe even be over cautious, especially since he was also meeting my friends. If he acted like this after knowing each other for a month or two, maybe I'd be more understanding. But even then, I don't like to hang out with people who don't know how to handle their liquor, and I certainly don't like to babysit an obnoxious ass who embarrasses himself, my friends, and me. Ryan's a great guy, and I'm sure he has potential to offer something more than just good taste in jewelry. He's super sweet, but there's nothing about him that interests me.

Next potential friend, please.

We're all headed to the same comedy club tonight to see Hal Sparks, without Ryan this time. I'm sure we'll have a great time now that we're all spared the embarrassment. I actually didn't enjoy myself all that much because of him. Hopefully that'll change tonight. And hopefully Hal Sparks will be funnier than Chris Fairbanks. It won't be that hard to do.

With everything that happened that night aside, disappointingly, Chris Fairbanks was not funny. He completely bombed. His first opener was a local, and he was absolutely not funny. The second opener was also a local, and he was a little funny. I've seen him before when he opened up for Maria Bamford. I think his delivery was what saved him, not the jokes and stories per se. I thought after all the buildup, Chris would be somewhat funny. Nope. He wasn't funny...at all, actually. He had a lot of weird material. I managed to snicker and smile a few times, sure. But when I turned to look at everyone else, no one was laughing, or even smiling. Chris even noticed the audience's lack of interest in his act and said that we were more impressed by the thunderstorm than we were with him. He couldn't be more right. He struggled, and it showed, badly. I didn't really get that though since he won the "Funniest person in Austin" annual competition in the late 1990s. Perhaps Austin grew out of the eccentric material? That might be true since I remember that a lot of people didn't care for Hard 'N Phirm either when we saw them. Austin did love Doug Benson and Maria though. I don't know. We talked to Chris after the show, and he initiated the fact that he bombed (well, we weren't going to be rude by mentioning that he sucked). We lied, said he was funny as Hell, and it was difficult to compete with the rain. Hopefully we won't have to lie to Hal Sparks tonight. We'll see.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Fuck You Friday

Fuck You, Francisco, You Graves' Diseased Piece of Mexican Shit

Andrea and I have been applying to a number of restaurants for the past couple of months, and still nothing. I don't get it. I really don't. She and I have years of experience in the restaurant business. Fuckers.

Then last Tuesday came.

I received a callback from a manager named Francisco at this Mexican place called Manuel's, which is near the Arboretum. He wanted me to come in for an interview at 4:30. Andrea and I went over there after class.

When we got there, a Mexican male server with a heavy Mexican accent came up to us. I told him that I was there to meet Francisco for an interview. He told us to have a seat at the bar, and he'd go get him. So, we did as we were told. The bartender asked us in a heavy Mexican accent what we wanted to drink, but we informed him that we were just waiting.

And we did wait. Nearly thirty minutes. No one ever came up to us to tell us Francisco's status, whether he was coming or not, what he was doing, ETA, nothing. Mistake #1.

Finally, an older Mexican guy walked out of the kitchen and was looking everywhere. I assumed he was the manager because he was dressed in khakis and a button-up shirt. I rose from my seat, asked him if he was Francisco, and told him who I was. He nodded and told me, no surprise here, in a heavy Mexican accent, to sit at an empty booth on the other side of the restaurant while he went back to the office to get my application. What the hell? He should've had it already when he came out. Mistake #2.

He came back and sat across the table from me. I was instantly drawn by his ugly, bulging eyes and beak-like nose.

The following conversation is what was said during the interview. The text in red is what I wanted to tell him, but didn't verbally say. And no, there are no typos on my part for his dialogue. He spoke in broken English in a thick Mexican accent.

F: "So, tell me 'bout your work experience in food business."
M: "I worked for Chili's for three and a half years. I was a very versatile employee there. I waited tables, I did to-gos, I expoed, I hosted, and I trained new employees."

While I spoke, he motioned his hand at me to hurry up with my answers. I wanted to cut his hand off and poke his eyes back inside his head with his fingers. Don't ask me a question if you don't want to know the answer. He did this throughout the entire interview. Stupid asshole.

F: "So, that's it?"
M: "Excuse me?"
"You only have three years?"
"I have three and a half years, right." What do you mean only three years? That's a lot. I'm sorry that waiting tables isn't my career.
"That all you have?"
"Well, unless you want to consider working at fast food places when I was younger as working in the restaurant business."
"Ya, those don't count."

F: "Do you have many familiar with tequilas?"
"To be honest, I'm actually not very familiar with different kinds of tequila. My knowledge is pretty limited based on the fact that I don't drink often. Basically, the only knowledge I have is what was served at Chili's, and that wasn't very much."
"Ya, they don't have a lot of tequilas."
"Right." That's what I just said, you dumb fuck.
"K, how 'bout wine?"
"Again, I'm not very familiar with the different kinds of wine. I know your basics. I can distinguish a red from white wine. Chili's didn't have a very extensive wine list. They just had Pinot Grigio, Chardonnay, Merlot, Cabernet Sauvignon, Shiraz, and White Zin."
"You no drink wine either?"
"No. I don't drink alcohol very often."
"But it's wine, not alcohol." What the hell? Wine's a type of alcohol...even I know that.
"Okay...but just because I don't know a lot about alcohol, doesn't mean I can't learn what alcohol goes well with a certain dish, or what kind of alcohol you offer here."
"Okay, but do you have familiar with de Mexican culture?"
"Other than growing up and living in Texas, not really."
"What? You are Mexican."
"No, actually...I'm Filipina."
"But your last name..."
"I know, a lot of Filipinos have Spanish last names." (I have to explain this all of the time.)
"So, you don't know 'bout Mexican cultures?"
"Well, like I said, I'm not Mexican. I didn't grow up Mexican; although, the Filipino culture is similar to the Mexican culture. I grew up Catholic, I have very traditional..."
"Not the same. You don't know Mexican culture."
"I know a lot from being raised and living in Texas and from school. I took years of Spanish and took a seminar on Mexican-American literature where we studied the Mexican culture's influence on America. But if you're asking me if I know it from personal experience, no."
"Ya, so no knowing of Mexican culture." What the fuck? I know that the Mexican culture consists of illegally coming to the States, mostly to do stoop labor. I know that your restaurant more than likely employees a few illegals. I know about the hierarchy in Mexican families where the man is the head simply because he has a penis. I know about machismo. I know that Mexican men are typically lazy and smell bad. I know about cholas. I know that they're all gangsta girls.
"Do you know the main ingre...ingred...ingrade..."
"Ingredients?"
"Ya, ingredients in Mexican cooking?"
"No, I'm not familiar with the ingredients in Mexican cooking either, I suppose."
"I see you have a degree. You go to school?"
"Yes."
"Oh, well...you don't need school for this job."


He just looked at me with those fucking Pekingese eyes.

"K, well...I have a lot of people coming for applications and interviews. I'm calling the ones that I think are good for this server job. It will take me a some time to pick which one I want for this job because there are so many people. If you don't hear from me, that mean I went a different way and chose someone else."
"Well, I certainly hope that's the case."

And I got up, and we left.

He degraded me the entire time. He tried to make me feel inadequate, as if I wasn't capable of performing the responsibilities as a server at a Mexican restaurant, simply because I'm not Mexican. You don't have to be a fucking Mexican to work at a Mexican restaurant. Mexicans aren't the only ones that eat at Mexican restaurants, especially in that nice area, and especially for that overpriced menu. I can guarantee that I can communicate with the customers more effectively than anyone who currently works there.

So, fuck you, Fransisco, you ugly Black-Moor-Goldfish-lookalike. How dare you tell me that I'm not good enough to serve tables. I have experience and an education. If anything, I'm over-qualified.


Fuck You, St. Edward's

My last day of class was today, but finals start up on Monday. What the hell? St. Edward's doesn't have "dead" or reading days. I haven't taken an actual final in about four years. How could you not have "dead" days?

Fuck you, St. Edward's for not operating like a normal university.


Fuck You, Swine Flu

I'm just stretching for things now.


All right, well, I suppose that's it for this week. I apologize for this week's sucky content.

Back to studying.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Fuck You Friday

Fuck You, You Wannabe Liberal Intellectual

That title's an oxymoron. Liberal intellectual? That doesn't exist.

I have an hour and a half break between my two Biology classes every Tuesday and Thursday. During my break, I'll either do one or more of five things: 1) Sleep in my car (this is what I did 98% of the time when it was still cold), 2) Chat up Andrea on Gchat, 3) Call Mom and get my weekly phone call in, 4) Check my e-mail and surf the internet for nude pictures of Paul (kidding about the latter. Or am I?), and/or 5) Study for my second Biology class (this rarely happens since I only study when a test or quiz will be given). I'll do all of this either in the building where I have my second Biology class, either upstairs in the computer lab, or downstairs in the foyer area.

Yesterday, I was in the foyer area. There are about ten computers facing one wall, five soda machines, a snack machine, ten couches, and a number of tables and chairs. This area's primarily used for study groups, a dining area, and tutoring. Needless to say, it's never quiet here. People are on the couches talking to each other, there are a few students studying together, soda cans bang against the slot when someone puts in seventy-five cents, groups of people walk through and observe the foyer while the student tour guide talks about how great St. Ed's is, and some kids sit on their asses and talk on their cell phone.

I was one of those kids.

I was at one of the computers, checking my e-mail when my mother called. I answered it at my desk and chatted with her about Andrea's new glasses and some other useless crap. While I was on the phone, I felt two slightly harsh pokes on my right shoulder. I told my mother to hang on, and I turned to face this fat woman who sported a masculine haircut and those stupid trendy, modern, black, wannabe 50s vintage, thick-framed glasses.

"I'm sorry to bother you, but do you mind taking your phone call outside? I'm trying to work," she said rudely while she pointed to the computer two down from me.

At this point, I was already irritated. The fact that she was verbally rude to me just worsened my mood from when she touched me.

I glared up at her and said, "Actually, I do mind. This isn't a library, nor is it a quiet study area."

She was taken aback. "Well, I can't concentrate. I'd really appreciate it if you would go outside, or just at least move there to the couch."

"I'm actually not talking any louder than anyone else in here. The only difference is that my mother isn't physically here for me to talk to."

"I'm just trying to work here. You don't have to listen to what I say, but..."

"You're absolutely right. I don't have to listen to you, and I won't. Like I said, this isn't a quiet area. You're more than welcome to go upstairs to the computer lab and work there. It's not as loud there, but that isn't a quiet area either. I don't know what else to tell you, other than you're just going to have to deal with it."

I can be a real bitch sometimes, huh? Well, I wouldn't really say that was bitchy. I just have a mouth sometimes.

She exhaled her frustrated out. It felt like a freaking hurricane. Then she turned around, stomped back over to her computer as the entire building shook from her shifting weight, and I continued my phone conversation with my mom.

Seconds after the bitch sat down, an Asian girl who sat in between us turned to her and said, "The computer lab is quieter, but it can get loud like it does here." I saw the bitch give the girl a lame effort of a smile and then give me an ugly glare, in the corner of my eye. Then she pouted in front of her computer while I took my sweet time on the phone to finish my conversation.

What an idiot.

I don't ever tolerate that crap. I hate, hate, hate when people tell me what to do, especially when they've absolutely no authority or right to tell me anything. I wasn't sure if this lady was a professor, a school employee, or just an older student. Well, it doesn't really matter. It wasn't her place to tell me anything. If I was in a library, I of course wouldn't be talking on the phone. Hell, my phone would be on silent before I even entered the library. But that was just it though, I wasn't in a library. I was in a freaking open space that's primarily used for activities that requires talking.

And one more thing, you don't ever touch someone you don't know. When that queynte touched me, she was just asking for it. Good thing I didn't go Kung Fu on her saggy ass. Not really. I was really tempted to slap her fingers away though. That was just rude.

So, fuck you, you old piece of fart who had the nerve and had no position whatsoever to ask me to take my phone conversation outside.


Fuck You, Mr. Mildew-Smelling Bike Rider President

I'm actually not sure if he was the president of his club or not. I just assumed he was since he was the first one there.

This also happened yesterday. Around 8 P.M., Andrea and I left one of the computer labs and headed to the public lobby area where three nice, leather, and comfy couches and a big flat screen T.V. are found. We're usually in said lobby area every Tuesday through Thursday of every week because of American Idol and Grey's Anatomy. There was FINALLY a new episode of Grey's last night. Andrea and I didn't want to miss it, of course.

When we got there, some douchebag was already sitting on one of the couches. He looked like a douche. He really did. You know those kind of guys who just look like they'd be a douche? He had one of those faces. He just sat there like a complete idiot as his hand clung onto his dirty and probably thrift shop-purchased piece of junk bike (why would you bring your bike inside the building?), as if someone was going to steal it. A bum wouldn't even touch that piece of shit bike of his.

Andrea sat down on the couch parallel to this guy. I thought I'd be nice and asked if he was watching. He said he wasn't. As I made my way to change the channel, he informed me that there was going to be a meeting there at 8 P.M. What? Why would you hold a meeting in a public area where there's lots of traffic of people, lots of noise, and a T.V. that random people use? It didn't stop me though. I just changed the channel and sat down.

And sure enough, other people came to the lobby area for this meeting. They all looked like douches. Very unkempt and "natural" (people use that term very loosely to mean "dirty" and "smelly" since they haven't bathed for a week). I hate that current trend of twenty somethings dressing in thin, striped V-neck shirts, super tight jeans that shows a complete mold of your ball sack, worn-out old man shoes, one of those queer sling backpacks, and a rubber headband to top it all off. Their left pant leg's usually rolled up at least a foot to show everyone that they're a bike rider. Very gay. But yeah, about eleven of these idiots showed up for the meeting, and two other people rolled in their bikes (this continued to make no sense to me since there's a bike rack outside).

Andrea and I just sat there on the couches while they yelled at each other, despite the fact that they were only about two feet away, at the farthest, from each other. It wasn't like they couldn't hear each other either. The T.V.'s volume was really faint. We couldn't hear it at all. Everyone was yelling at each other because it was already loud. Just down the hall, the coffee shop was doing some kind of open mic night.

While we sat there, just minding our own business and watching T.V. pretty much on mute, I overheard a girl ask that douche guy why they hadn't yet started their meeting. He replied with, "Because Grey's Anatomy is more important." Fuck you, dude.

A few minutes later, I heard him tell some of the members that he asked us nicely to move for their meeting. Fuck you, liar. He never asked us anything. Well, I take that back. He did ask me what we were planning on watching. That was it though. He never asked us to move. I wanted to say something to him, but I held my tongue. But even if he had asked us, we wouldn't have budged. Why would we? And, it wasn't as if we told him that he should hold his meeting elsewhere. We didn't care if they had their meeting of fifteen or so people on a few couches that only fit eight.

It took them fifteen minutes to realize that we weren't going to move. The king douche got frustrated and told the club that their meeting was moved upstairs. Thank God. As they made their way upstairs (the idiots with the bikes rolled them up the stairs, too), I stood from the couch to put the volume up. I didn't give a shit that they were mad.

Why the hell would you hold your meeting in a lobby where people walk through constantly, or in an area where there's a T.V. that's frequently used? And worse, in an area that was obviously too small for the amount of club members? That made no sense to me. It wasn't like you could reserve the lobby for a meeting. It's completely open to anyone. And they could move their meeting to another area...like, oh, I don't know....a quiet room where they can actually have a meeting that doesn't require shouting at each other two feet away. Or better yet, why not just hold your meeting in the regular area? Fucking morons.

So, fuck you, you pit-stained lying fuck. Fuck your bike, too. It was stupid.


That's it for this week's FYF.