As of right now, nothing exciting is going on, as usual. Nothing wrong with that. My life doesn't require any kind of drama, unlike some people I know. I'm just in summer school right now. It sucks. I haven't taken a summer class since my freshman year of college. I'm only taking one class this first session: Genetics. Genetics in five weeks. It's borderline amazing. Then in the second session, I'll take two classes: Chemistry and Molecular/Cellular Bio. Yay.
Last week, Andrea won twenty tickets to see Chris Fairbanks. Who gives away twenty tickets? I don't know. We don't even know that many people here. That's a lie. Let me rephrase: we don't know that many people here who we'd want to hang out with for that long of a time. Besides, a lot of our friends aren't here because it's summer. Of course though, we invited Paul and Erin. I even invited my good friend, Lisa, from San Antonio. I even went out on a limb and invited Ryan, this gay guy that I met a few months ago at the movie theater Andrea and I frequent in Barton Creek Mall. We did have twenty tickets to waste. I didn't know him all that well and thought it'd be a good idea. Big mistake.
I guess you don't really know a person until you hang out with them. Like I said, I didn't really know Ryan all that well. I solely knew him from the theater. He gave me a compliment about my Tiffany necklace (he said it looked beautiful on me and that he's been saving money to buy one for himself to wear...yeah, I don't know), and that started our correspondence. Every time Andrea and I would see a movie after that, he'd be there working. I would stop and chat with him for a good while, and we eventually exchanged numbers to hang out anywhere else outside of the theater.
We had to pick him up at the mall, which is about 10 or so miles out of the way, because his car was in the shop. He said he wrecked it, and I assumed it was because of a DWI. He mentioned that he had to sign up for Driver's Ed. I didn't really think anything of it. We met Paul, Erin, and Lisa at Pappasito's for Happy Hour (for those who don't know, Pappasito's has a pretty good HH. At least, I think so. Their drinks are a little pricey for HH, but they're completely worth it. Super strong, especially their frozen drinks).
Ryan only two Margaritas at Pappasito's. No biggie. And he was really lively and sweet. He'd even turn to me every so often to say that he loved me, thank me for inviting him, or that he was having a wonderful time. While he talked to our friends about me or something, he'd have his hand on me. Kind of weird, considering I'm not a very touchy/feely type of person. And on occasion, he'd say something completely unnecessary (for example, he'd bluntly tell the entire table that he wanted to fuck some actor). Other than that though, no problem.
Can you pick which one's Ryan?
If you chose the guy in the red and white plaid Oxford shirt, not a bad guess, but no. That's Paul. People always mistake him for being gay. Ryan's actually the double-chinned wannabe girl in the blue polo.
Then we headed over to the comedy club. Ryan was a fucking nightmare. During the first opening comedian's act, Ryan would answer every single rhetorical question that the comedian would ask the audience. You know, those generic questions that are always generally asked that don't necessarily require an actual verbal response. Nope, Ryan answered loud enough for the entire room to look over at our table. "How's everyone doing tonight?," in which Ryan would reply, "Oh, I'm wonderful tonight. Thank you for asking!" I didn't really mind that. Hell, it was even funny at one point. The comedian thought Ryan was a woman and thanked "her" for being cooperative. I wasn't sure if the comedians thought Ryan sounded like a girl, or if he thought one of us girls was the one answering. But of course, it was only downhill from that.
He had about five rum and Cokes and a Long Island or two. He progressed from being cute, to annoying, to fucking outright disrespectful and embarrassing. He heckled the second opening comedian. A lot of people turned to look at us every time Ryan said anything, even if it wasn't directed to the stage. He'd repeatedly say my name across the table to get my attention just to say that he loved me. After a few more drinks, he would repeatedly ask me if I was mad at him. This got annoying, but I masked my frustration with a smile each time and told him no.
People working at the club asked him to keep it down. They came over to our table about five times. Then during Chris's set, in addendum to Ryan's loud remarks (I remember that he exclaimed that he was gay when Chris was setting up a joke about gay men), he busted out his cell phone and talked to a friend. The second opening comedian even ran over to him and politely told him he wasn't allowed to talk on his phone during an act. It was horrible.
When we got up to leave, I had to hold his arm to keep him from falling on his drunken face. He sat in the back of my car with Andrea next to him. Lisa and I were in the front, discussing about her job (she's a special ed teacher). She had an interview in a few days with Austin ISD, and she asked me for advice on what to say and how to answer some questions that other districts were asking of her on the applications. Evidently, while Lisa and I were talking about all of this, Ryan was in the back, crying the entire time. He had his window rolled down (it was pouring rain that night too, by the way) and was just crying. When Andrea asked him what the matter was, he said that he was upset that I was mad at him since I was ignoring him. What the?
We dropped him off at the mall and that was the last time we've seen each other. He texted me the next morning to say he had a great time and to ask if I was mad at him. I lied and said no. He said he was worried about me being mad and wanted to go out again. Over my fucking dead body.
I suppose that's what I get for not taking my red flag, Ryan telling me about wrecking his car and having to take Defensive Driving, more seriously.
That's going to be the last time I'll ever hang out with Ryan again. His personality was a little too strong for my liking. And more importantly, he was completely vacant. We had absolutely nothing in common, except for similar tastes in jewelry and boys. I need something more than that. I have a very low tolerance for stupidity. Not that he's stupid, but there was just nothing there with him. I can't imagine ever having a conversation with him about the economy, let alone sports. When I mentioned how hard my Genetics class was, he complained about his acting class at a community college. And oh, he has a "degree" in wedding planning. The hell?
And the fact that he acted so immaturely the first time we went out just really turned me off. Why would you act like that in front of someone who you don't really know that well? You'd think Ryan would be on his best behavior, maybe even be over cautious, especially since he was also meeting my friends. If he acted like this after knowing each other for a month or two, maybe I'd be more understanding. But even then, I don't like to hang out with people who don't know how to handle their liquor, and I certainly don't like to babysit an obnoxious ass who embarrasses himself, my friends, and me. Ryan's a great guy, and I'm sure he has potential to offer something more than just good taste in jewelry. He's super sweet, but there's nothing about him that interests me.
Next potential friend, please.
We're all headed to the same comedy club tonight to see Hal Sparks, without Ryan this time. I'm sure we'll have a great time now that we're all spared the embarrassment. I actually didn't enjoy myself all that much because of him. Hopefully that'll change tonight. And hopefully Hal Sparks will be funnier than Chris Fairbanks. It won't be that hard to do.
With everything that happened that night aside, disappointingly, Chris Fairbanks was not funny. He completely bombed. His first opener was a local, and he was absolutely not funny. The second opener was also a local, and he was a little funny. I've seen him before when he opened up for Maria Bamford. I think his delivery was what saved him, not the jokes and stories per se. I thought after all the buildup, Chris would be somewhat funny. Nope. He wasn't funny...at all, actually. He had a lot of weird material. I managed to snicker and smile a few times, sure. But when I turned to look at everyone else, no one was laughing, or even smiling. Chris even noticed the audience's lack of interest in his act and said that we were more impressed by the thunderstorm than we were with him. He couldn't be more right. He struggled, and it showed, badly. I didn't really get that though since he won the "Funniest person in Austin" annual competition in the late 1990s. Perhaps Austin grew out of the eccentric material? That might be true since I remember that a lot of people didn't care for Hard 'N Phirm either when we saw them. Austin did love Doug Benson and Maria though. I don't know. We talked to Chris after the show, and he initiated the fact that he bombed (well, we weren't going to be rude by mentioning that he sucked). We lied, said he was funny as Hell, and it was difficult to compete with the rain. Hopefully we won't have to lie to Hal Sparks tonight. We'll see.
